Which Way to Neverland?

Hello,

This post will be more on the deep side. So, prepare yourself because if you know me I'm mainly witty... but I have a deep side too. 

Growing up. 

Do you remember when you were in elementary school and you would dream about growing up? About leaving school, having a car and a job and being your own person? Maybe not that sophisticated but we wanted to grow up. Now that I turned 20 I'm wondering where the years have gone by and why life is moving so fast. Why doesn't life take Ferris Buellers words and stop to smell the roses for a bit and stop moving so fast. Being 20 has its ups and downs... I'm currently at the downs. If you know me well you know that I don't really set goals or make future plans; I usually just go with the flow but its slowly creeping up on me. I'm trying to graduate soon (hopefully by December), trying to find a job so I can get some income, I'm trying to get a car (and without an income not so easy), trying to find a university to go to after getting my AA... it's a lot, for me. 

Growing up. 

Responsibilities become harder and difficult. Younger I would want more responsibility to feel older and more mature but now that I have it I don't want it. 

I think within all my ramble what I'm trying to say is... I'm scared. I don't want to worry about what bills to pay and 9-5 job I have to go to. I want to be happy and enjoy life, I want to be a little kid again. No worries about life just about what color to draw the grass. This fear has gotten worse throughout the years and have developed an anxiety disorder which also lead to panic attacks. Its hard to live with but its  hard to get rid of it too. 

Some of you are thinking: grow up, this is life get used to it, this is what growing up is all about. But why do I have to think that? Why do I have to grow up? Peter Pan never grew up and look at him, he's happy, lives on an island and flies. 

I'm not coping well with the concept of becoming older but there has to be a way to grow up but also be like Peter Pan, right? 

As always, 

Love Katerina

Lessons in a Goodbye

Hope everyone has been having a good summer so far 

PRE-WARNING!! I wrote a lot but its knowledgeable and some of the saying a quote worthy!

Of course I've been MIA for a bit (I need to learn to commit to things) but I have been going crazy these past few weeks but within the insanity I've realized some lessons. . . 

Lets start of with school. Spring semester ended last week of April and it was a little heart breaking for me. Not only was it my favorite semester yet (and now it over) but I met a lot of great, and also horrible, people within the semester that have taught me somethings throughout the way. 

Lesson #1:
~ Learn to laugh at yourself. We will all do something dumb in our lives and look like fools but life is to short to take it seriously. We can be serious when we're dead. 
~ Open up. I'm saying this from a personal note but I usually put up walls so people cant see the real me because I fear they won't accept it. The human race is not perfect we all have things we are not proud of but if you let people in maybe you'' find someone going through something similar and you wont have to face it alone.
~ Not everyone wants to get to know you. this contradicts with the above statement but stay with me. Life has ups and downs, like a roller coaster, if you don't get on you wont know if you like it or not you have to just go with it. People are somewhat the same. Sometimes we have to be hurt, and unfortunately (sometimes) used, by people to see they're true colors but because of a$$wholes like them we can become stronger and wiser. 

No work no car, perfect. I got laid off -_- sucks I know. I will now answer the questions running through your head. 1. They didn't need my position anymore because business was very, very slow. 2. It happened about a week ago. 3. No, I don't know what my next move is 4. Yes, I am looking for any possible jobs I can do. Any more question? Let me know in the comments. The struggle with my car is finally over, it has passed away. The black knight went to car heaven and I am sad about it because one I don't have a car and two we had a some great adventures. 

Lesson #2:
~ Not everything last forever. When I got that new job I was certain I would be there till I go away to university but within a short few months I was out. My car slowly was dying on me but still unexpected that I would have to part with it so soon. Moral is we can't take things, or life, for granted they're not guaranteed. 

Saying goodbye to someone is hard... saying goodbye to your past can be as hard or maybe even harder. Our past can hold us down like chains to a wall and not allowing us to live our lives. I put together a conference this Mothers days weekend with some awesome women and it was about how to makeover our lives. It was so powerful! We need to learn how to break the chains to become a better you. Saying goodbye to a good friend is hard and not fun at all. I've said bye to 7 people within 3 weeks I don't like it ): It's hard to see them go. 

Lesson #3:
~ Our past can be the one holding us back. Don't let life pass you by because you're looking into the past. The past is like a chapter of your life if you keep re-reading it you'll never know how the book will finish, so let go. 
~ Its not goodbye its just see you later. Watching someone go can be hard but you have to let them (as a cheesy cliche would say) flap there wings and fly. Maybe they're going to college or a new job opportunity whatever it is support them and always be there for them. 

That was a lot to learn in 3 weeks... Well, heres what I've been up to:

My stud of a brother had his senior prom ): he's growing up so fast!

I got to go see Joel Osteen which was amazing!! We had floor seats :D 

SUMMER 2013 HAS kinda BEGUN!!! I only have one summer class so its still kinda having a summer vacation... but after June 21st its officially summer!! Those are my best friends Keilah(next to me) and Kelly(on the left) 

I had food poisoning for about a week... worst week ever! 

My brothers last band performance! I remember mine, so emotional. Its a big band but it looks small because of the panorama.

Because of the conference I got to hang out with my second family a lot and I love them so dearly <3 I have a weird smile there and Natalia doesn't look interested.

Blurry buuuuuut these are the amazing people who put together the conference, workshops, set design and much more thanks so much everyone for the amazing weekend!! 

Luis was one of the people I had to say bye to. He's not coming back till January D,: I'm going to miss him like crazy!! Say hi to Mickey for me! 

In my old high school when you were in band at the end of the year you got a BANDquet and this was my brothers last one too ): again remembering mine and how I miss it! These are all the "sexy" officers. 

This is Indira, Indi for short, She's someone I had to say goodbye to as well. She's not moving away or anything but we wont be in the same college anymore ): I've gotten really close to her and consider her a great friend of mine! 

As always,
Love Katerina