Which Way to Neverland?

Hello,

This post will be more on the deep side. So, prepare yourself because if you know me I'm mainly witty... but I have a deep side too. 

Growing up. 

Do you remember when you were in elementary school and you would dream about growing up? About leaving school, having a car and a job and being your own person? Maybe not that sophisticated but we wanted to grow up. Now that I turned 20 I'm wondering where the years have gone by and why life is moving so fast. Why doesn't life take Ferris Buellers words and stop to smell the roses for a bit and stop moving so fast. Being 20 has its ups and downs... I'm currently at the downs. If you know me well you know that I don't really set goals or make future plans; I usually just go with the flow but its slowly creeping up on me. I'm trying to graduate soon (hopefully by December), trying to find a job so I can get some income, I'm trying to get a car (and without an income not so easy), trying to find a university to go to after getting my AA... it's a lot, for me. 

Growing up. 

Responsibilities become harder and difficult. Younger I would want more responsibility to feel older and more mature but now that I have it I don't want it. 

I think within all my ramble what I'm trying to say is... I'm scared. I don't want to worry about what bills to pay and 9-5 job I have to go to. I want to be happy and enjoy life, I want to be a little kid again. No worries about life just about what color to draw the grass. This fear has gotten worse throughout the years and have developed an anxiety disorder which also lead to panic attacks. Its hard to live with but its  hard to get rid of it too. 

Some of you are thinking: grow up, this is life get used to it, this is what growing up is all about. But why do I have to think that? Why do I have to grow up? Peter Pan never grew up and look at him, he's happy, lives on an island and flies. 

I'm not coping well with the concept of becoming older but there has to be a way to grow up but also be like Peter Pan, right? 

As always, 

Love Katerina